Finals

This was it. This would be the battle to end it all. He walked in armed with only a calculator and his trusty black Bic mechanical pencil with a blue, squishy grip. Nourished only moments earlier with a meager maple bar and cherry fritter, this crusader would have to endure the frightful skirmish bereft of adequate sustenance. The enemy had presented a new tactic that would give them the advantage— the battle field would be a 3 foot by 2 foot area in which there was only a small plank of wood upon which to work. He would have to fit his backpack, sweatshirt, test, bubble answer sheet, calculator, and three sheets of scratch paper all in this confined space. The conflict would not end swiftly, for this 63 question monster was not going down without a fight. Though the foe delivered blow after devastating blow of scientific trivia, the ardent, young academic warrior still stood undaunted, determined not to give up. After five brutal hours and the reception of many wounds, the wearied soldier limped from the battlefield with as much pride as he could muster and accepted the 66% branded upon his four months of effort and preparation. Though he would retain many scars from this struggle for victory in the face of defeat, they would serve as constant reminders to the brave fledgling of the lessons learned during this cold and bitter war with his relentless opponent—chemistry.

                

              Okay, this description of my chemistry final may be slightly melodramatic, but in some ways I feel like it depicts how I feel fairly accurately. I received my first ever “B” in chemistry this last semester, and although it has been a flesh wound to the good ole “4.0” GPA, I feel that the Lord has made me into a better, stronger person because of it.  I feel indebted to chemistry, for it was the catalyst that set me on my journey to find what I truly want to do in my life—teach. It has served as a testing ground for my character: to see if I would give up or continue to try my best even when things weren’t going my way.  I also believe that chemistry was a road sign, sent from heaven to help me know that the road I was going down wasn’t for me. The experience as a whole has increased my testimony that God loves and cares for us, and will guide us in our lives if we but listen.

        

             Going into the last week of school (finals week), I was once again having a hard time finding motivation to put effort into studying for, well, any of my finals, but particularly chemistry. I went heavenward for help and almost immediately I felt these words written on the blackboard of my mind: “I am not going to school for a grade; I am going to be a better disciple of Christ.” I once again felt the motivational power that the atonement can have in our lives. The love that Christ’s pure, omnipotent love invokes inside my heart, can motivate me and give me strength to do things even after my natural capacities are near exhausted. Once this paradigm shift occurred, a power and determination to succeed surged into every aspect of my life like a rushing river.  Think of the Savior after He suffered the sting of betrayal, the horror of Gethsemane, the humiliation of the mock trial, the nefariousness of His torture, and the bitterness of denial by His closest friends; don’t you think He would be tired? What gave Him the strength to endure His heavy cross through the angry throng of people? Why didn’t He give up? No one would be able to blame Him. He didn’t deserve this. Why didn’t the pain, fatigue, and heartache drive Him to just say, “Enough!” and relieve Himself of the agony? No one in all the history of the world had ever felt that tired before, so why didn’t He stop?

            

            I am the reason. Yes, you are also the reason, but just to make it a little more personal, I want to focus on me for a minute. As miniscule as my trials are, and I readily admit they are very small compared to many, Christ knew that I would be tired one day too. He knew that I was going to need some help staying motivated so I could at least swing a “B” in chemistry. He knew that I was going to need Him to understand what I felt like in Japan, when Japanese just seemed too hard to learn. When I was squirming in pain on my bed the first time I got kidney stones, Jesus knew that I was going to need someone to be there by my side to comfort me. That is why He didn’t give up; He loved me that much!   

And so it is with each of us. He descended below all things because He knew that we each, in our own personal way, would need Him. They say that Christ’s atonement was a personal one, and I believe that; I know it. Do you think Christ would have still suffered through all He did if you were the only one He was doing it for? What if no one else except you accepted God’s plan in the beginning? Would Christ still have offered to come down to earth and save you? The answer is yes.  How is that for personal? How is that for intimate? As long as there is at least one person to save, our Heavenly Father and His Son Jesus Christ will do all that They can to bring us home to Him. My testimony is that They loved, and still love us that much.  I feel that love every single day. Truly,

“in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.

“For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,

“Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 8:37-39).   

                I know that is true.

             

   This last semester, I went to the funeral of a man who had been a senior missionary in our mission. He was an extraordinary man with a pure heart from which you could feel goodness radiating. I learned so much about the meaning of life and what is important while I listened to the service. Not one thing was said about his wealth, the prestige he possessed in the world, or any of the other things that sometimes unfortunately become important in our lives. They did, though, talk about the endless love he had for his family, his faithfulness and devotion to the Lord, and the countless acts of service he had performed throughout his life. This stalwart man had lived a rich life in the eyes of God and his family, and as I sat contemplating it all I felt assured that his treasures in heaven were not a few. Later on, I was pondering the birth of Christ and asked myself the question that seemed to arbitrarily pop into my mind: “Why did Christ come to earth?” That was an easy one to answer. I had heard it a thousand times before: He came to provide the way, that I might live. Then I thought about that word “live.” I had always associated that word to the resurrection and the life after we die. I believe that is one meaning of the word, but I started to think about it a little differently. I started to think about what it truly means to “live” in the now. One definition of the word suggests having a full and fulfilling life. Christ also provided the way for us to do that as well. He set the perfect example of living an altruistic life; full of gratitude, hope, faith, service, love, and sacrifice. Then, through His atonement, our Savior provided the divine help we would all need to emulate His life. Giving our lives in service to others is not always easy, at least for me, but as I strive to rely on the grace God willingly provides, I am able to find opportunities to give of myself and feel the joy of truly “living.” I know that our lives mean little if we only live for ourselves. That is why I am so grateful for a Redeemer who has the power to help me become like Him. I am constantly overwhelmed with gratitude and love for the incredible people that fill my life. They are constant reminders that this life is about people and the relationships we make with them.    

So what did I learn during the fall semester of 2011, at Brigham Young University? Well, although I learned much about molecular orbitals, hyperbolas, and Japanese business etiquette, the greatest lesson I learned is one that God teaches me time and time again: “whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles, and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last day,” for, “I have been supported under trails and troubles of every kind, yea, and in all manner of afflictions; yea, God has delivered me from prison, and from bonds, and from death; yea, and I do put my trust in him, and he will still deliver me” (Alma 36:3,27). 

            I don’t know what the next semester will hold for me, but I am excited to meet new challenges and learn new lessons. “I believe in Christ, so come what may” (“I Believe in Christ,” Hymn 134).