My Life Is So Good

Well it seems that I didn’t quite turn out to be the avid blogger some of my supporters thought I might become, but I am grateful for the opportunity to update it today. I was told by a good friend that blogs aren’t supposed to be very long, so I apologize for the length of this entry. I figured though, that I am kind of writing this more for my sake than anyone else’s and although I would be more than happy for anyone to read this, the main purpose in writing this blog has been to help me organize in my mind, some of the lessons that I have learned in the last few months.

 Over the last four months, I have learned so much and have been so happy. Every day, as I walk the tree lined street to and from BYU campus, looking at the beautiful colors of autumn and the majestic mountains of Provo, I think with a smile on my face, “I may possibly be the happiest, most blessed person on the planet!” Since moving up here a few weeks before school started, I have been constantly blessed to be surrounded by great people that lift and inspire me to be better. I feel the same way as I did as a missionary— happy to be alive and confident in God’s love for me and the love He has for each one of His children. I wake up early and fill my day with worth-while things until I lay my head down at night exhausted, but happy. So happy. The best part is that the daily, profound joy I experience in my life is not because my life is perfect, or lacks what to me would be considered trials. It is not an object of happenstance. It is a choice I decide to make everyday. What an extraordinary gift!

My Father in Heaven has taught me so much through the different experiences I have had. I am sure that anyone who has been around me in the last month or so probably thinks I am the most fickle, capricious person they have ever met. It all started with a simple visit with the Biomedical engineering club advisors. As I spoke with them, it was apparent that what I wanted to do in the biomedical field had more of a mechanical base. In that moment, it was as if someone had picked up a nearly completed jig-saw puzzle, which was my life, dropped it, scattered the pieces all over the ground and left them for me to put back together again. I all of a sudden didn’t know if chemical engineering was what I wanted to study. I no longer felt sure about any of the career choices I had considered up to that point. After talking to several people, and some considerable thought, I changed my major to mechanical engineering.  Although I felt better about the change, there was still something missing. I started to ponder and contemplate all the different things I could do for a career, and wondered what my mission in life was supposed to be. During this time, I was constantly seeking out others’ advice, as well as inspiration from Heavenly Father. I knew that He cared about my situation and that He would help me make the right decisions for my future. I felt like a laughing child after he has spun around in circles a hundred times— happy, but no idea where he is heading. One morning, I was studying the Book of Mormon, and started to ponder what I really loved to do. I thought about the times I was happiest in my life and what I was doing during those times. As these thoughts ran through my mind, I realized that I had a passion for teaching people things. I loved teaching, but what was I supposed to teach? I didn’t feel that I had enough passion for any particular secular subject to be able to teach it. That is when I felt the prompting to look into what law school had to offer. I had never considered going to law school before but felt like I should check it out. As I did, I learned that I was going to need to do something that strengthened my reading and writing abilities, which led me to research the English major at BYU. After much prayer and counsel with both Heavenly Father and close friends and family, the answer finally came one morning while I was again studying the scriptures. I felt as if the fog covering my way was lifted and I could now clearly see the path that I should go. I recognized my love of the English language, developed during my mission while learning Japanese, and my incessant desire to become a teacher. I decided to become a college English professor. I felt the Holy Ghost confirm my feelings, and I felt peace about my future career that I hadn’t felt in close to a month. Even now, when I tell people my new found major and hear the invariable laughter that follows, I feel peace about my decision. I want to do something that can influence others for good and help them improve their lives. I realize that that is possible in various, honorable careers and professions, but as I reflect on my blessed life, outside of my parents and family, it was been my inspired, selfless teachers and leaders that have had the greatest influence upon me. I feel like this is my calling in life, and although I don’t get the “oooo’s” and “awww’s” I used to when I told people I was going to be a mechanical engineer, I feel peace and excitement about my future and the good I will be able to do as a devoted teacher. Part of the difficulty I faced in making this decision was my eclectic desire to learn about and be good at everything. I like science and math and felt like if I switched to English, that I would, for some reason, no longer be able to learn about them. I have learned though, that is not true. To ensure that I keep a well-rounded education, I have also decided to join the honors program and graduate with honors. I believe this will cultivate a desire to be educated and learned in many different fields. Despite my desire to learn all that I can in every subject, I do feel that English is where my passion lies. I have already set goals to improve my ability to read and write and am constantly excited about what I can learn next on this newly discovered path.  

                Through this trying, but instructive experience, I have learned anew that God really does care about all that we care about. No matter how small and insignificant we may think it is, if it is important to us, it is important to God. He wants to help us and bless us with all that He can. Once, when working out with my roommate Ryan, I learned a valuable lesson that gave me greater understanding to why the Lord was allowing me to struggle so much with this important life decision. I was spotting Ryan as he was doing bench press. We were trying to lift heavier weight, thus increasing the muscle build of our workout. Many times though, when you do heavier weight, you cannot lift it completely by yourself. This is where the spotter comes in. As a spotter, I like to help just enough so that he is still doing most of the work and therefore getting stronger, but also enough so that he is able to lift the weight. I wouldn’t be helping Ryan become stronger if I just lifted the weight right off of him once he started struggling, but I also would never just let him strain and fail with a load that he couldn’t lift by himself. I realized that Christ is the spotter in my life. He knows that if He just made everything easy for me that I would never grow or become stronger. He will also never leave me alone with my burdens though. Christ will empower me so I can overcome all of my trials. As I am magnified by Christ and His grace, my capacity to lift heavier burdens increases and I take one step closer to becoming like He is.  

                I have also relearned that God always answers our prayers, but that it is most often line upon line, precept upon precept that we receive those answers. Patience is an essential aspect of our faith in Christ that will help us as we wait for needed guidance and direction. Even in my career choice, although I feel an overpowering peace about what I am doing at this time, I know that this could possibly just be one piece of the whole answer that God wants me to have. The important thing is that I know that He will not allow me to walk amiss on my journey to do His will in my life. It is interesting how when God seems to be arbitrarily destroying our “picture-perfect” lives, if we allow Him to hold the brush and make the strokes on our canvas He desires , it actually turns out to be more beautiful and breath-taking than before. God knows what will make us the happiest. We just have to trust in His perfect will and timing to see the masterpiece He will make out of our lives.

“You can do anything you put your mind to!”

                I have heard those words ever since I was a little child. It hasn’t been until I have grown older and gained a personal witness that I am a child of God though, that I have really believed them. I know that through the strengthening power of Christ’s atonement that I can truly do anything. As Marianne Williamson taught, we have a light within us that we were born to shine. That light is the Light of Christ. We are not the light, but we are bearers of it. As we let that light within us shine, we give glory to God. Because God loves us and we are His children, we can have hope for a bright and happy future. I do not fear the future. Although wars may rage and economic depressions may spread, I feel only hope for a glorious, successful life with a loving family in a home filled with peace and joy. That hope is Jesus Christ. I know that He is the Light and Hope of this world and that as we put our trust in Him, we will never abide in darkness. Happiness is a choice, not a fruit of our circumstance. I testify that true and lasting happiness lies in the Savior of the world. This testimony has been the steadying influence in my life. I know that no matter what the world may say, or how precarious the way may become, that all our afflictions may be swallowed up in the joy of Christ.